ESTHER's PLEA & HAMAN'S FATE
The Triumph of Mordecai, study for a tapestry cartoon, 1736–39
Jean François de Troy (French, 1679–1752)
Metropolitan Museum of Art
LIGHTS UP
Narrator: So, yeah, Mordecai got the horse, the clothes, the crown, and
yeah, Haman got even more pissed off. But tonight his presence was expected
at the Queen's Banquet. He was going to solve his dilemma once as for all,
as soon as he could get the King's ear alone. But Mordecai was on the kind
of streak that Vegas hustlers could only dream of, and it was Esther who got
there first. With everyone right there to see it all unfold before them...
Esther Before Assuerus.
Nicolas Poussin 1640s
Oil on canvas
The Hermitage Museum
KING AHASHUERUS: You know, hon. You throw one heck of a banquet. What is
your petition, Queen Esther? It shall be granted you. And what is your
request? Even to the half of my kingdom, it shall be fulfilled."
QUEEN: If I have found favor in your sight, O king, and if it please the
king, let my life be given me at my petition, and my people at my request.
For we are sold, I and my people, to be destroyed, to be slain, and to be
annihilated.
KING AHASHUERUS: What do you mean?
QUEEN: I am a Jew.
KING AHASHUERUS: You? A Jew?
The Queen nods.
KING AHASHUERUS: A Jew.
A servant runs over with a tissue.
SERVANT #4 Bless you, sire.
The KING glares at SERVANT #4, who catches the vibe he's being slung, and
backs off.
KING AHASHUERUS: A Jew. (thinks) What's the most expensive Jewish wine?
ESTHER (plaintive whine, manipulative) Daddy?
KING AHASHUERUS (starts to sing Adam Sandler's Hanukkah song) Put on your
yarmulke---
ESTHER (singing back): Here comes Hanukkah!
KING AHASHUERUS: Christmas Eve. What do you do?
ESTHER (laughs): Hello? Chinese.
KING AHASHUERUS: Yup. Jewish. I thought the Jews didn't like me (looks at
her intently.) But you're just a total babe. I can't say no to you. If
you're a Jew, then oh, I think...Jews are hot. Who is he, and where is he,
that durst presume in his heart to do such harm to my fair maiden's heart.
ESTHER: The adversary and enemy is this wicked Haman. He's been jealous
of the attention you've given my Uncle all along. And even now, has
built a gallows just to hang him before the night is complete.
KING AHASHUERUS: Haman! That's a real shame-in. I was growing to like you bud, but if it's between you and the chick...? Sorry dude, but you gotta know who's gonna come out on top. She's a goddess. And a great dancer. Circles around Vashti, if you get my drift?
"The Punishment of Haman"
Michelangelo 1508-1512
Fresco
Sistine Chapel, Vatican
HAMAN: You're just going to hang me out to dry? Just like that?
The King extends his hand to Haman. Haman thinks he has a shot at
forgiveness but once his arm is in reach, the King grabs his arm and with
his other arm, takes his SIGNET ring off of Haman's finger.
KING AHASHUERUS:(laughs) Now there's a little gallows humor. (motions to
guards) Take him away, boys. Anything else you want my dear?
ESTHER: Well...not really. Although... a weekend in the chateau wouldn't be
the worst thing in the world.
KING AHASHUERUS: Really? I didn't know you liked the chateau. Funny, I
almost gave that to Haman. He insisted it would be the perfect place to hold
official dinners abroad. But uh...don't think he'll be needing it now.
Done. And Mordecai. (motions him over) I want you to have this.
The King hands Mordecai his SIGNET ring.
KING AHASHUERUS: You may write as you please with regard to the Jews, in the
name of the king, and seal it with the king's ring; for an edict written in
the name of the king and sealed with the king's ring cannot be revoked. And
I want you to go our as my representative to your people, in royal robes of
blue and white, with a great golden crown and a mantle of fine linen and
purple and bring light and gladness and joy and honor just like your little
girl brought to me. Let the Jews defend themselves throughout Persia against
those who would follow a different decree. And you know what, in honor of
Esther's flair for entertaining, decree there should be a feast and a
holiday, celebrated with the giving of gifts. What should we call it?
Hamen's lot. No, sounds too Stephen King. Poor Haman. Poooor Hay-man.
Puramin. (looks to Esther) Puramin. How's that working for you?
ESTHER: How about just Purim.
KING AHASHUERUS: Purim. Purim. I like that. Rolls off the tongue.
Pu-rim. How about Purim?
ESTHER (Paris & Nicole voice): That's so hot. (feels faint) Whew, King A. You sure know how to make a girl's heart race.
KING AHASHUERUS (holds her up): OH it is SO good to be the King.
He puts his arms around Esther and together, they exit, as everyone else
starts drinking wine. MUSIC comes up loud. It's one big party! Extend
it out to your audience by having the servants from the play, come
out and start handing out wine and food to members the audience! (Grape
juice or soda to under age people please!)